THE CHEESECAKES I MADE WITH MY MOMMY ARE BOOTYFUL SUCCESSES. It’s two big pans of delishush-ness
I hate it how sometimes I start finding someone so annoying to the point where every single thing they say or do annoys me. Its like, why do I have to be like that? Instead of “venting” to my friends, I should calm down and stop cause I know I don’t want those kind of people in my life, that they won’t be with me when I’m 30, that I won’t let them even be a part of my life if I keep going at the rate I’m going. I feel like all i do is blame everything on them instead of really sitting down and realizing that I’m just acting the same way they are; justifying my talking shit by blaming it on them. If I’d really wanted to end things, i could. but i wouldnt cause i dont have the confidence or just… ugh i dunno the word, but i wouldn’t be able to deal with the repercussions cause they’re too troublesome. Too much drama and shit with things like “I thought we were friends!” and blah blah blah. “The thing is, we were friends. But from now I’d like to be new friends with you if you can change.” or thats what I’d say. Is that selfish? To want to be friends with them only if they change? I don’t really think it is. And the waterworks. I can’t deal with those cuz in the end, my naive thinking’s gonna make me feel bad anyways. but why should I feel bad for being real? I’d be the one apologizing for telling my opinion, but thing is, I don’t hate on someone for no reason. So yea, I’d know all along they do so many things to annoy me, but at the same time I’d feel bad for telling them straight up they annoy me :\ pretty messed up, huh? Is that considered masochistic or something? Or i dunno, some sort of self-punishment thing?
ugh. i need a dr. phil. I need someone new and diff in my life who can listen to everything i need to vent and wont tire of me easily. That’d be real nice. Someone who’s also good lookin’ ?(: So we can fall in love like in those love stories :p
But im also scared that the “new and diff” person’s gonna judge too harshly/badly. And that ill clam up cause of that. I don’t like getting hurt so i keep people at a distance and its just blah.
SO THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: i need a dr. phil and to now officially stop the shit talking (forreals now. Not like 2-3 yrs ago when i said i would, or like 2-3 months ago).